Two American tourists were driving through Wales.
At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch
they stopped for lunch and one tourist asked the waitress "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us?
Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"
The girl leaned over and said,
"Buurrrrr-guurrrrr-Kiing.
Putting It In
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest,
"I almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but
then I stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in.
You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail
Mary's and put in the poor box."
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked
over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to
leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw
that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the on the box, and
according to you, that's the same as putting it in."
Pilots Joke
Two men dressed in Pilots' uniforms walk up the aisle of the
plane. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and
the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. Nervous
laughter spreads through the cabin as the men enter the cockpit. The
door closes and the engines start up.
>> >
The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some
sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is
forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and
the people sitting in the window seats realize that they're headed
straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory. As it
begins to look as though the plane will plow into certain disaster,
>> >panicked screams fill the cabin.
>> >
At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The
passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly. Soon all retreat
into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in
good hands.
>> >
In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and
says, "You know Bob, one of these days they're gonna scream too late
and we're all gonna die".
Chav Jokes
What do you call a Chav in a box?
Innit.
What do you call a Chav in a filing cabinet?
Sorted
What do you call a Chav in a house that’s not council housing?
Robin
What do you call 3 chavs going off a cliff in a Citroen saxo?
Shame, Saxos can seat 5
What do you call a chav in a suit?
The Accused
What do you call a Chav in a cement block?
Well ‘ard
How do you start an argument with a chav?
Speak!
What do you call a Chav in a box with a lock on it?
Safe.
What do you call an Eskimo Chav?
Innuinnit.
Why are Chavs like slinkies?
They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight
of stairs.
What do you call a Chavette in a white tracksuit?
The bride.
What do you say to a chav at work?
Can i have a big mac please?
If you see a Chav on a bike, why should you try not to run him
over?
It might be your bike.
What's the difference between a Chav and a coconut?
One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.
What's the first question at a Chav quiz night?
"What you lookin' at?"
What do you call a Chav in a boiler suit?
Prisoner
What do you call a chav with half a brain?
Gifted.
Whats a chavs favourite ice-cream?
Mint
What do you call a chav with 9 GCSE's?
A liar
What do you call a 30 year old chavette?
Granny.
Two chavs jump off beachy head, who wins?
Society.
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Prank Phone Calls
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STORE WARS!!!!
NOW, WHAT SHALL I WEAR TO COURT?
